100 Hours of Humo(u)r – Hour 32: Name Game
By Debbie Simorte
[This is Debbie’s winning submission for our second flash humor contest. The topic: “In the news.”]
People have finally stopped talking about Halle Berry’s Oscar attire and moved on to a much more important matter.
Natasha Hill of Los Angeles has won a contest sponsored by a baby name website called Belly Ballot, and parents around the world are outraged. Not that she won, mind you, but that Ms. Hill would allow complete strangers to choose the name of her baby in exchange for the five thousand dollar prize.
I don’t know what the big deal is, considering I drew a name from a hat in hour thirty six of labor, and nobody even noticed, but people are so pissed you’d think the choices are names like e. coli or Romney Ryan.
Not so, unless, perhaps, advertisers on the site have suggested those monikers.
That’s right; advertisers get to suggest the baby’s name. This could work out. Think Mercedes, Apple, Kellogg’s.
Oh wait. Companies who advertise on baby websites are probably in the baby (or life insurance) business. Maybe the choices for public vote will be narrowed down to Pamper or Carter or Gerber. Hartford Life Hill, anyone?
Belly Ballot’s founder, Lacey Moler, says that the names up for vote will not be brand names. Ms. Hill says she is hoping the voters choose James as the name choice for a boy. James. A perfectly normal name that has been chosen by bazillions of parents who were not paid to use it.
What about names that are brands, but could also be a normal name? Sara Lee? Oscar Meyer? My vote would go to Downy. Downy Hill has a nice ring to it.
It’s just silly that people get so worked up over this stuff. It’s not like the Name Police are going to follow Ms. Hill around, fining her if she calls the kid something other than the internet-chosen name.
Forget about it. I say let her enjoy the money, and try to think about bigger issues.
Like what your favorite celebrity is wearing today.
Dave Fox’s fun and wildly informative online course is on sale at a big discount for the duration of this “100 Hours of humo(u)r” online party, and it’s open to writers of all skill levels. Find out more here!