Post 57 / Hour 62: David Blaine – Part 2
By Dave Fox
[This is part two of a story that originally appeared on my blog on May 9 and 10, 2006. Read part one here.]
David Blaine did not succeed yesterday in his attempt to break the world record for holding one’s breath under water. He also did not die, however, so all in all, I guess he had an okay day.
Blaine was unconscious and having convulsions when his trainer Kirk Krack helped pluck him from his tank, according to the Associated Press.
“If we hadn’t intervened, he would still be at the bottom of the sphere doing a breath-hold,” Krack said.
A breath-hold? Is it still called a breath-hold when you are no longer capable of breathing?
Blaine’s attempt to break the world record was his final cry for attention following a week of living under water, breathing through a tube, in a tank in the middle of New York City. After he was pulled from the tank and resuscitated, he told a crowd of onlookers, “This was a very difficult week.”
A difficult week?! No. A week when you are overworked is a difficult week. A week when the neighbor’s chihuahua bites you, or you have surgery for an ingrown toenail, or your significant other runs off with the dental hygenist, is a difficult week. A week when you sit around in an oversized fish bowl, doing nothing, inviting thousands of people to gawk at you… that’s not a difficult week. That’s an idiotic week.
(Personal message to my parents: You’ve got concerns about my career choice as a humor writer? It could be worse.)
What did Blaine do after he was released from the hospital? After he had spent an entire week under water to the point that all that water was causing a painful and highly unattractive skin condition? According to the Associated Press — jeez, this is so insane, I am having trouble typing it — he went home and took a shower.
What’s next for the self-described “magician?” He hasn’t said yet. Personally, I’d like to suggest a disappearing act.