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Resurfacing

By Dave Fox
Norwegian Air flight 1850… somewhere over Europe

Hi. My name’s Dave.

I used to have a blog.

Recently, I have been receiving thousands of e-mails from the throngs of totally fictitious fans, who occupy my fantasies of someday being a wildly famous writer. These fictitious fans have been fictitiously sending me messages, which I receive telepathically. Their e-mails go something like this:

Dear Dave!!!Hi!!! I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you!!! This is so cool!!!

So anyway, you are my favorite writer, and I’ve just been kind of wondering if you are okay and all. Because you used to have a blog. I miss you.

Love,
An admiring fictitious fan

P.S. My grandmother thinks you rock! So does my hamster, Smedley.

Well, I don’t always admit things like this, but I have to tell you that e-mails of this nature make my heart melt. And that’s pretty huge because in real life, once you dig beneath the surface of my sensitive-touchy-feely-liberal-male persona, I am seriously macho, and do not have an easily melty heart.

Oh sure, I have my whimpering-and-insecure public image that I project, as was recently confirmed in a review of my first book, Getting Lost. The reviewer wrote, “(Dave) doesn’t shy away from revealing what a travel nerd he was growing up or still is. It’s not macho writing at all….

Ummm… yes. Thank you for that flattering review. But the non-macho thing… ha! That’s all an act. In my private life I am seriously macho as fuck. ARGH!!!

I tell you this so that you, my dear readers, fictitious and otherwise, will understand that when I say the above e-mail makes my heart melt, you can understand that is not an easy thing to make happen to me.

But I digress. Let us get to the real question at hand: “Where the hell have you been, Dave Fox?”

Places! That’s where! I’ve been lots and lots of places!

What kinds of places? Oh, American places, European places, places where I guide tours, places where I decided I should go on a brain-clearing road trip around the western United States – Boise, Idaho, for example.

Boise, baby! (It seriously rocked for the 14 hours I was there.)

And hey… you know what I am doing, this very second? (Other than writing something totally lame?) I am going to a place! Right now!

Yes, my dear readers, as I write this — my historic first substantial blog entry since… I dunno… May? — I am on a flight to Malta.

Malta, baby!

Why Malta?

Because, although these last couple of months, I have been flying under the radar in regard to my travels and overall whereabouts, back in June I finally fulfilled my lifelong dream of visiting Liechtenstein. (Twice!)

And for the record, yes, Liechtenstein is every bit as exciting as you would imagine.

So there I was last week, sitting in a hotel room in Copenhagen, faced with a six-day break between tours, thinking, “How will I ever top Liechtenstein?”

I pondered Bosnia. But sadly, although that nation is once again peaceful, it has yet to be embraced by the budget airline industry. I pondered Greenland. But in spite of the fact that Greenland is melting – which, seriously, can you think of a better reason to be a budget destination? – it too has yet to be embraced by the budget airline industry. After hours of searching online, I found a cheap ticket to Malta – a direct flight on Norwegian Air from Oslo, and a direct flight on Air Malta to Paris, where I start guiding my fifth and final tour of the season next week.

But it wasn’t just about money. I also chose Malta because, well, it is simply a formidable country.

Malta Landing I am not joking. Compared to Liechtenstein, Malta is freaking massive. Malta is a nation with an overall land mass of something like 122 square miles (or something like that… what’s nine times thirteen?), whereas Liechtenstein is a mere 8.7 square centimeters. Liechtenstein is almost as small as Wasilla, Alaska.

So… yeah! Malta, baby! WOOOOOOO!!!!! I’ll be landing there in just two and a half hours. I will revel in a badly needed break from guiding tours and promoting books. I will lounge on my balcony overlooking the Mediterranean. I will scarf down the local nourishment, at a culinary crossroads between Europe and North Africa, and learn how to say “Cheers,” in a new language. (Malta has its own language. Liechtenstein does not.) Also, maybe I will blog or something.

Yes. I will be landing soon and I promise I will try to blog. My fictitious fans have waited long enough.

Published on Sunday, August 31, 2008

3 Responses to “Resurfacing”

  1. Nancy
    September 1, 2008 at 10:58 PM

    Dave, it is so nice to hear from you!! And yes, I am a real fan, not fictious.

  2. Nancy
    September 1, 2008 at 11:02 PM

    I meant to type fictitous, sorry.

  3. Myella
    November 2, 2008 at 10:09 AM

    I have a hamster named Angus MacGregor and he thinks you ROCK! He is a real hamster and I am a true fan!

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