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Stop Stereotyping Unicorns!

By Dave Fox
Denver, Colorado

Sometimes late at night, when the world is quiet and I’m awake, by myself, I begin to think about unicorns.

And I always think to myself (because who the hell else would I think to?), “Poor unicorns.”

I worry they might be terribly misunderstood.

Image: flicker/scorpiorules58

If I were a unicorn, I’d be pretty pissed off about all the rainbow connections. (Image: flicker/scorpiorules58)

See, everybody tends to equate unicorns with rainbows. And don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against rainbows. Nothing at all. Other than that “pot of gold” rumor, which is obviously a scam.

“Oh look! That rainbow! It looks like it ends at an Internet café in Nigeria! I should go there!”

Yeah, right. I’m not buying that for one second.

But back to the unicorns. Here is something we should all consider:

What if some unicorns don’t like rainbows? What if some unicorns are emo, goth unicorns? What if they only think in black? Is it right for us to expect them to be all rainbowy all the time?

If I were a goth unicorn, you know what I would think? I would think, “Fuck you, humans! Fuck you for trying to pigeonhole me into your rainbow-slathered stereotype!”

Then I would go drink whiskey and listen to Siouxie and the Banshees.

So the moral of the story is: Stop stereotyping unicorns. It is not right. It is ignorant and destructive. And if you keep it up, the goth unicorns are seriously going to roll their eyes at you.


Learn how to turn your most ridiculous thoughts into stories you can publish in my online course, Humor Writing: How to Think, Write, Speak, and Be Funnier.

Published on Sunday, June 28, 2015

One Response to “Stop Stereotyping Unicorns!”

  1. July 16, 2015 at 3:10 AM

    All Rainbowphobic Unicorns should be neutered.

    Sweet Sticky Rainbows Uber Alles.

    The message brought to you by Freedom Fighters in the Pork Protectorate within the People’s Republic of Bacon!

    #InBaconWeTrust

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