The results are in!

Bachelor’s cure for the common cold? Don’t try this at home.

By Dave Fox
Seattle, Washington 

I reported Monday night about a reported “Bachelor’s Cure for the Common Cold.”

The plan: sit in a bathtub as hot as you can bear until you have finished three beers.

The supposed result: You raise your body temperature enough to burn and sweat out the virus.

So Monday night, in the interest of medical research, I grabbed three bottles of Widmer Jubelale, one bottle of bubble bath, and a stack of travel magazines I’ve been needing to research, tore off all my clothes, and dove in.

Drinking three beers in a sudsy bathtub sounds delightful, I realize, but not when it involves cranking up the water to near boiling. As I slurped my malt beverages and read articles about Hanoi and Bhutan, I began to feel kind of like a lobster that’s getting cooked up for dinner. Granted, lobsters do not get to drink three beers while they boil, so I guess life wasn’t quite that bad, but after nearly an hour in the tub, I was feeling dehydrated, dizzy (not in a pleasant, beer-induced way), and my nasal congestion was worse than before I started the experiment. I paced my drinking, though I must confess that near the end, I felt the responsible thing was to chug my last few ounces, fearful that if I stayed in much longer, I might pass out and drown… which I suppose would have cured my cold, but not in a productive manner.

So the experience itself was not so nice, but did it work? Did my hour of suffering zap my cold?

No. I am still sick.I have the most stubborn cold in the history of medicine. It has lingered for a month now, and will likely continue to afflict me until I retire.

I’ve received several e-mails over the last 36 hours from people who desperately wanted me to tell them this treatment would be a roaring success. I’m sorry. I can’t tell you that. If you have a cold, and you are looking for an excuse to drink beer in the bathtub, just do it. For that matter, drink beer in the bathtub even if you don’t have a cold. But if you want to drink three beers, go easy on the hot-as-you-can-stand approach, or drink your second and third beers after you’re back on dry land.

Published on Wednesday, December 17, 2008

One Response to “The results are in!”

  1. chaney
    December 23, 2008 at 12:38 AM

    i’ll try it from a girl’s perspective. maybe it’s for bachelorette’s, too. but i’ll class it up with busch lite. for science’s sake.

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