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Wind-Induced Brain Damage

By Dave Fox
Seattle, Washington

Parts of Seattle are still without power four days after a wind storm with 60-mile-per-hour gusts came screaming through our city. People have been calling and e-mailing me to ask if I’m okay. I was one of the lucky ones who never lost power, so I’m fine, thanks. Local radio and television reporters, on the other hand, seem to be suffering from wind-induced brain damage.

I will forgive the television meteorologist who made the statement, “The winds right now are fairly under control.”

Never mind that “under control” implies we have the ability to control the wind.

But this announcement, Friday morning on a local radio station, is inexcusable. (Please forgive me. I do not have the exact quote and am paraphrasing.):

“More than a million people around the Puget Sound region are without power this morning. Many school districts are closed today, including schools in Seattle, Everett, and Issaquah. For a complete listing of other school closures, please visit our website.”

Visit your website?!?! A million people are without power. Hundreds and hundreds of trees have fallen across phone and cable lines. Is there some new wireless smoke signal technology I haven’t heard of? Has somebody invented a wind-powered laptop?

Excellent Team Stormwatch Coverage, guys.

Published on Tuesday, December 19, 2006

4 Responses to “Wind-Induced Brain Damage”

  1. Nancy
    December 19, 2006 at 9:14 PM

    Didn’t you hear the drums pounding to explain the list of school closures? Oh, that could have just been the pounding in my head.

  2. brrre
    December 24, 2006 at 6:07 PM

    I know there is something called batteries, but wouldn’t a powercut also affect radioes?
    And, doesn’t most laptops come with that thing called batteries?
    And, aren’t you yourself using a wireless internet connection?
    Excellent Radio Stormwatch Coverage, Dave.
    Most important though:
    Merry Christmas (sorry, Holidays) and a happy new year(sorry, according to the most used calendar in the West.)!

  3. December 31, 2006 at 5:16 AM

    Brrre…
    Your meager attempts to annoy me are especially weak when you have no clue what you are talking about.
    Yes. Radios run on batteries. They also work in cars. My girlfriend, a teacher, had no power at her house. She was driving to work and did not hear her school was closed because of the aforementioned lazy radio broadcast.
    Laptops? Yes. They run on batteries too, but the batteries must be plugged in and recharged after a few hours. And just because I have a laptop and wireless Internet doesn’t mean everybody in Seattle does.
    Wireless Internet? That is where your snarking is especially weak. Wireless modems send a signal to a router that must be plugged into the wall. No electricity = no wireless Internet. And if trees fall across cable lines, anyone with cable Internet is also unable to get online
    But don’t feel bad, my friend. I know of a radio station that would probably hire you.
    Happy new Year! :-)~

  4. brrre
    January 2, 2007 at 8:59 PM

    Oh, my Dog!
    Dave, you don’t have to be patronizing. As you know I worked with computers for six years(hated it), I do know how a wireless connection works. What I really did not know, was that you are stretching cables every time you visit Europe. Must be quite costly, so for the future; it is not necessary ;-) What I’m trying to say is that if you’re able to find a wireless connection in the village of Oslo, you should be able to do so in the metropol of Seattle. Even if parts of town is without electrisity.
    You also wouldn’t need a windpowered lap-top as long as you have batteries, I know they have to be charged, but if you cannot find the radiostation in some hours, you should really stay off the net! And what on earth was the point even mentioning it, when you are so concerned about the fact that some people don’t have laptops…
    And concerning that radiostation, would you think they were any better if you heard the following message:
    “Due to the fact that some people are without power, we have given the web-editors a day off. Even if we obviously have power.
    But stay tuned folks, we will soon be back with a complete list of every school which is closed, every kindergarden which is closed, every grocery store which is closed, every drug-store which is closed, yeah folks, we will spend the next hours reading lists. Frog news coverage!”
    And why even bother about closed schools? Do you hate happy children?
    Am I trying to annoy you? Well, it seems like I don’t have to try that hard. It is obviously one of the few things I am good at!

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