Inside the Highly Disturbed Brain of a Tour Guide

By Dave Fox

Two weeks from today, I will be wandering aimlessly through Paris, cursing jetlag, and wondering where the hell Seattle went. In the meantime, I have 12 days to write and prepare a speech, deliver that speech, revise a book manuscript, pack, review my tour guide notes… and my weird brother, Steve, is coming for a visit.

In two weeks, I begin my 13th season as a European tour guide. One would think that 13 years of guiding would leave one feeling calm and in control, but every year around this time, the anxiety dreams begin.

Last week, I dreamed I was talking to my tour group at the end of our first day in Paris when it dawned on me I had no clue what we were doing in the morning. I had failed to make a group reservation at the Louvre, so everyone was going to miss one of Europe’s best museums. I wondered if they’d notice if we just skipped it.

In another dream, a helicopter crashed in my front yard. The helicopter had a logo on it from the hotel I stay at for the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, the workshop that led to the publication of my book.

Last night’s dream was more fun. A chimpanzee was trying to come in through my window, and I wasn’t sure what to do about that. I wanted to let him in, but I was afraid he might tear my home apart. I’m not sure what the chimpanzee represented, but I think it was my weird brother, Steve.

Published on Friday, April 27, 2007

2 Responses to “Inside the Highly Disturbed Brain of a Tour Guide”

  1. Erin
    April 30, 2007 at 8:48 AM

    I think the chimp was just your monkey butler wanting to bring you a beer. And Steve seemed relatively normal to me – are you sure HE’s the “weird brother”?

  2. brrre
    May 4, 2007 at 5:03 PM

    I wonder what Sigmund Freud would say about your sexual preferences… Some dreams you should not tell about. Erin is right. It is more likely that you are the weird brother.
    Monkeys… You sick boy!

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