New Workshop: Tame Your Inner Bully!

A six-week, group coaching program to calm the self-critical voices in your head and live a more authentic, more confident, happier life

Dave Fox
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

Got a monster in your head? He’s no more real than an imaginary monster under a child’s bed. (Photo: Jonas Bengtsson / flickr – Creative Commons BY 2.0)

When’s the last time you said something mean or discouraging to yourself?

  • “People are going to judge me negatively because I’m ______.”
  • “I’m not good at ______. What’s wrong with me?”
  • “I should be getting more stuff done. I must be lazy.”
  • “I made a mistake. How could I have been so stupid?”
  • “I trusted someone and they hurt me. How could I have been so stupid?”
  • “There’s no point in asking for what I want. The answer will probably be no.”
  • “I’m not confident because I don’t deserve to be confident.”
  • “If I don’t do things perfectly, I’m a failure.”

Most of us say mean-spirited things to ourselves from time to time – in a tone we’d never use with anyone else. For some people, this self-bullying is a daily ritual that happens on such a subtle, subconscious level, they might not even realize how much they do it. But the voice is there, yapping in their head like an internal troll, saying discouraging things which often aren’t true, or which might carry some truth, but are worded in ways that are at best, unproductive, and at worst, downright cruel.

This voice comes from what I call your “Inner Bully” – that weaselly creature in your thoughts who grumbles that you’re not talented enough, smart enough, strong enough, sexy enough, normal enough, confident enough, [_fill in the blank_] enough to be the person you want to be and achieve the things you want to achieve.

These thoughts can drag down our self-esteem. They stop us from trying new things, asking for what we want, being our best selves, and living to our full potentials.

If that sounds like you, here’s a question to consider:

Who might you be, who could you become, if you didn’t have this subtle but frequent, self-bullying monologue in your head? How would your life be different if you could get your Inner Bully out of your thoughts?

(That wasn’t a rhetorical question. I’ll give you a moment to ponder it. You might even write your answer down.)

…   …   …   …

Okay, now here’s another question: Which of the following two statements do you agree with most?

A) “I can learn how to quiet my Inner Bully and become a happier person.”

B) “My Inner Bully is something I’m stuck with. He / she / it is never going to leave me alone.”

Many frequent self-bulliers will go with answer B. Why? Because that’s what their Inner Bully is telling them. That’s what their Inner Bully wants them to believe. And … it’s a lie!

Is it possible to make your Inner Bully go away completely? Forever? The honest answer is: probably not. Most of us have an Inner Bully who lurks in our mind and lashes out from time to time. Getting it to shut up and leave you alone forever might not be realistic. But what if you could get it to be a little less mean? What if you could reduce its chatter by 80 percent? By even just 50 percent? How would that improve your life?

Taming My Inner Bully Changed My Life

Dave Fox is a Transformation Academy certified Master Life Coach, a writing coach, and an award-winning travel and humor author. Originally from the United States, he now lives in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

Everybody, I’m very excited to unveil a new, six-week group coaching program to help you tame your Inner Bully.

Why am I excited? Because I’m one of those people who struggled for years with a hyperactive, won’t-ever-shut-up creature in my head who used to make me miserable.

I learned how to diffuse these negative ramblings so they have less power over me, and I love helping others win that same battle.

Learning how to disarm my Inner bully, developing skills to reduce his grumblings and replace his messages with more productive ways of thinking has changed my life. Does he still show up? Yes. Every freaking day! But he no longer wields the control over me that he used to.

As a certified life coach, I’ve helped lots of one-on-one clients calm their Inner Bullies in their personal, creative, and professional lives. Now, I’m launching a new six-week group coaching program to help people disarm their Inner Bullies and live more happily as their authentic selves.

If you’ve got an Inner Bully that never shuts up, you don’t have to be stuck with him or her forever. If you’re ready to put a muzzle on your IB, free yourself from ways of thinking that are not serving you well, and live a life of greater self-acceptance and confidence, I hope you’ll join us in this six-week workshop.

How We’ll Do This

Our group of four to eight participants will meet weekly on Zoom. We’ll explore where our Inner Bullies come from, what they say to us, and how they affect us. We’ll look at the ways you believe and react to your IB’s stories (things you might not even be fully aware you do). I’ll teach a variety of proven coaching strategies you can use to tone down your Inner Bully’s toxic messages so you don’t worry about them so much, and I’ll share techniques to help you develop kinder, more constructive, and more honest ways of thinking than the harshness with which your Inner Bully squawks at you.

Most people who work with these techniques experience some quick results. During our six weeks, you can expect to see improvements in the ways you talk to yourself and react to your IB’s discouraging blather … and that will just be the beginning. Once you learn how to work with these techniques (they’re simple once you understand how they work), your ability to catch and disarm your Inner Bully will keep strengthening on its own, long after the workshop has finished.

When Will the Workshop Happen?

These small-group coaching sessions will take place Tuesdays from February 2 to March 9. Each meeting will last approximately 90 minutes.

(In parts of eastern Asia and Oceania, they will be after midnight, heading into Wednesday. I realize this is an impossible time for some people. If you’d like to participate but cannot attend at the times below, please email me and let me know where in the world you are and what times are generally good for you. If there’s enough interest, I’ll open another group at a different time.)

Here’s the start time in various time zones, for six weeks, beginning February 2:

  • North America – Pacific Time: 8 a.m. Tuesday
  • North America – Eastern Time: 11 a.m. Tuesdays
  • UK / Ireland / Portugal: 4 p.m. Tuesdays
  • Central European Time: 5 p.m. Tuesdays
  • India: 9:30 p.m. Tuesdays
  • Vietnam: 11 p.m. Tuesdays
  • Singapore / Hong Kong / Perth: Midnight Wednesdays (late Tuesday night)
  • Japan: 1 a.m. Wednesdays (late Tuesday night)
  • Australian Eastern Daylight Time: 3 a.m. Wednesdays
  • New Zealand: 5 a.m. Wednesdays

How Much Does it Cost?

You’ve got two options:

  • Sign up for the six-week workshop and pay $270.
  • Get the deluxe edition, which includes the six group sessions, plus three one-hour private coaching sessions with me, and pay $450.

Want to Join Us?

If you’d like to join us or you have any questions, send me an email and we’ll get things rolling.

Who’s Your Inner Bully, Really?

Who’s your Inner Bully? You probably already know the answer to that. Your Inner Bully is you. Your Inner Bully is the stories you tell yourself, about yourself, and about how the world is.

Most of these stories are fictional and false. They’re overblown and hyper-judgmental – because we live in a hyper-judgmental world.

Some people manage to ignore these stories. They’re not rattled by their Inner Bully’s chatter. For others, it’s not so simple. They’ve learned negative ways of thinking, which they’ve come to believe are reality. What they don’t understand is it’s possible to learn and adopt new, more positive thought patterns which can lead them into more positive, and often more accurate versions of reality.

I’m not talking about gazing lovingly into the mirror and reciting a bunch of gloopy affirmations. We’ll use proven coaching techniques, based on well-established research, to shift the ways you think – permanently – into a happier and more confident self-image, and a less fearful view of the world.

Space is limited to eight participants. If you’d like to be one of them, email me and we’ll get you signed up.

[ Graffiti monster photo credit: Jonas Bengtsson / flickrCreative Commons BY 2.0

Published on Tuesday, January 12, 2021

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