Breaking News: Its Highness Abdul V al-Refrigerator rumored to be close to death.

By Dave Fox

St. Patrick's Day 2002: Dave with Its Royal Highness Abdul V al-Refrigerator, on one of al-Refrigerator's healthier evenings. Photo by Marius Filtvedt.

Its Royal Highness Abdul V al-Refrigerator is gravely ill and reported to be near death, sources close to the refrigerator say.

The 25-year-old refrigerator developed a respiratory disorder Wednesday and began making noises similar to those of an idling Harley Davidson. Within hours it was spewing ominous bits of dark-gray gunk from its underside.

Abdul V is the refrigerator of literary genius Dave Fox, who acquired the refrigerator when he moved into his North Seattle condominium in 2001. Abdul V’s predecessor, Its Highness Abdul IV al-Refrigerator, resided in Dave’s former apartment. Abdul IV’s current condition is unknown.

Confusion over the al-Refrigerator lineage prior to Abdul IV has circulated for years. The 1999 model fridge was named after Fox’s late goldfish, Prince Abdul Ibrahim Srafeq III, who was not named after anybody. Abdul Ibrahim Srafeq III shared no common DNA with the al-Refrigerator dynasty, however.

“Abdul Ibrahim was just a goldfish,” Fox said in an attempt to dispel confusion during a rare interview in 2003. “He did not give birth to a refrigerator. Male goldfish cannot give birth. Duh.”

The actual refrigerational predecessor to Abdul IV has been shrouded in secrecy over the years. Refrigerator scholars have speculated this might be due to the fact that the previous refrigerator in Fox’s apartment was not of royal lineage.

Rosalita the Incredible Pink Refrigerator was a 1950s model who Fox acquired when he moved to Seattle in 1995. She was known for her rosy color, but was not of royal blood. Experts say this may have caused strife within the al-Refrigerator clan. Rosalita died in 1999.

Fox has not been reachable for comment this week. Sources say, however, he plans to shop for a new refrigerator this weekend.

Published on Saturday, December 18, 2010

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